(And why do we need to cut them?)
Not every question has a direct and specific answer, and this is one of those questions. When my clients ask me this one, each time I explain it, it comes out a little differently! Here is my current thinking on this subject.
What is an energy cord?
An energy cord is an energetic connection between two individuals, I see them a little like an umbilical cord. Energy cords create flow between the biological energy fields of those people who are connected to each other so that their life force energy mixes and flows, back and forth through the cord.
Cords can create an enhanced psychic connection between the two individuals but it can also be draining, as someone usually takes the energy and the other person gives. This happens either unconsciously, or subconsciously. People who are connected by energy cords usually feel closer together, but sometimes it can feel like you’re too close.
In the image above there are hooks going from one person to the other, it's the closest image I could find but I honestly don't believe there are hooks, unless it is a manipulative relationship, and if it was, there would only be one person hooking the other into them. Get the idea?
Once a person brings their awareness to energy cords, they usually can ‘see’ or feel them, and can 'cut' them using their imagination. The ‘bounce back’ when their life force energy returns once a cord is cut can be quite profound, depending on the nature of the relationship between the people involved.
This image is another idea of how cords could be created, coming out from the energy centres - making a big mess if you imagine that everyone is connected to everyone else. Again, it's not necessarily the ideal image and I don't believe toilet plungers look like chakras! If you find a more suitable image do let me know in the comments!
Energy cords are re-created subconsciously once we cut them, usually by the aspects of ourselves that created them in the first place, so cord-cutting needs to be a regular thing until you train your subconscious mind to stop connecting to someone that way.
Why do we create energy cords?
When a baby is growing in the womb it connects to its mother via an umbilical cord. Through that cord it receives the nourishment it needs to help it grow and develop. When the baby is born, the cord is cut, and the baby becomes physically separated from its mother. Imagine that moment where the proud mama holds her baby for the first time, and looks into it’s eyes, and the baby looks back and feels safe. The mother and baby subconsciously create an energetic cord, in lieu of the physical cord, because they both need that closeness and holding of each other.
We as humans by our nature grow attached to things, and to each other. One of the buddhist lessons is to let go of all of our attachments. Even Yoda said “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose”. However that does take time, maturity and will power to do. And it’s so very hard! Many people cannot do this, and as we attach to things, based on the primal cord we made with mama, we make more and more cord attachments to the people that we love, who, in turn, reciprocate the connection.
As baby grows into toddler it wants to explore the world around it and it needs space to do that. There is a whole psychological field called ‘Attachment theory’, based on the work of Bowlby, based on this crucial time of life. The relationship between mother and baby when baby goes exploring seeps into all of baby’s relationships as baby grows older. Even the romantic ones. Co-dependant relationships, unhealthy dynamics and healthy ones too can all be traced back in the realms of psychology to the state of the relationship between mama and baby at this particular time in life.
Why we need to cut energy cords
Our energy cords go beyond space and time and the neediness that we have towards the other person is what makes those cords tighter, bigger and stronger. The neediness of the mama to keep the baby close is what forges those strong bonds that then become mimicked in the baby as it grows into child, then adult, and wants to keep a loved one close, usually out of fear of abandonment.
As time goes by we attach more and more cords to more and more people. It can get very messy! Particularly when you are still connected to someone you are no longer in relationship with. Or connected to someone that is very needy, and drains you.
I have found that the dependancy created between people who are connected is more often than not an unhealthy one. But we need to connect to something, that’s the nature of humans! So rather than a person, we can train ourselves in to connect to pure, source energy instead, call it God, or Source, or Spirit. We can also connect to our own higher selves, and to the other aspects of ourselves too, to become whole. It also helps us so we don't feel alone.
What to expect after cutting energy cords
It feels wonderful to be clear and clean of energy cords, and to feel anchored by the connection to God, rather than to anchor into people. So maybe the image above with the anchors was appropriate after all.
I must warn you that there can be repercussions with the person on the other end of the cord, especially if they are the one anchoring into you. it can go either way - the relationship can improve dramatically as they feel happier and more content around you, or the person can get upset with you, angry, throw a temper tantrum and not know why. It's difficult to know what the result will be until you do it. So if they do get upset with you, give them space, don't engage if they want to pick a fight, and wait a day or two until the energy settles if you need to discuss whatever it was they said in the heat of the moment.
Ultimately it's better for everyone to be clean and clear of constrictive energy entanglements. We will never be separated energetically from anyone we know, keeping the connections light and free is best.
How to cut energy cords
Cutting energy cords doesn't mean you lose that person, instead it means you free yourself and the other person to be clear and clean of a cluttered energy field. In fact it can really improve a relationship when the attachment and need is removed at the energetic level.
Simply by setting your intention to cut a cord you can cut a cord but some cords are more difficult to cut than others. I write more about this in my book “How to Be Well”, where I discuss how energy cords can effect relationships with one person becoming dominant and the other subordinate. I give ways in the book to help you change the relationship dynamic both psychologically, and energetically, as I have found it very empowering (and get faster results) to work with both the energy and the mind at the same time. You can read more about that book here.
If you feel you want to cut cords with someone right now after reading this, simply visualise your energy field, allow it to show you the cords, and imagine them melting away. Or you could try my free SoundCloud meditation, called ‘Quick Cord Cutting Exercise” where I can help you do it.
You can also try one of my energy clearing sessions if you feel your cords are too tangled up and too overwhelming for you to deal with them yourself.
And the good news is, when you untangle yourself and free yourself up from the cords, you become more empowered in your life.